Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A tele-conversation which made my day... :0)

My bank and credit card company (both same) are very generous and gracious. They keep telling me what a 'jolly good fellow" I am to the banking industry in general and to them in particular....

...and so, I deserve to be rewarded for having an account with them.

Everyday send me a couple of SMSs - and call me up on phone - with magnanimous offers of un-solicited loans and/or low EMIs against my my meagre bills on the card...

Though I am grateful to them for making feel part of the debt-ridden "India Shining" story - but even though I have the option of ignoring the SMSs, their "offers" on phone sometimes do become a distraction.

So I was well-prepared today with a "counter-offer strategy" today when the call came. Here is a rough transcript of our conversation:

Caller: Sir, I am Amit calling on behalf of xxx cards. Am I talk to Mr Madhukar Shukla?

Me (M): Yes, what can I do for you

Amit: Sir, I am happy to inform you that we have identified you as one of our Preferred Customers, and would like to offer you...

Me: Oh, really? - thanks!.. er - can you please hold on for a minute.

And so I went around the house, stood on the balcony looking at nothing - timed my absence for 3 minutes, before I came back... The poor soul was still there.

Me: Oh, sorry for keeping you waiting... What did you say was your name?

Amit: Amit, Sir!

Me: Yes, Amit, you were saying...?

Amit: Sir, you are one of our "Preferred Customers", and have been paying your bills on time. So we are happy to offer you...

Me: Offer? Thanks, Amit... Btw, you have a nice and polite voice...

Amit: Thanks, sir.. As I was saying, we are happy to...

Me: How old are you, Amit?

Amit: Sir!!?

I could imagine him looking at the script on his screen with bewiilderment...

Me: Amit, you seem to be such a nice person. How old are you?

Amit: uh... er.. Sir?

Me: how old are you, Amit?

I was playing safe - knowing something how the BPOs work, I was sure that he can't abuse me and hang-up on me - the "preferred customer", ahem! :0) - his supervisor (who may be listening - or can listen to the tape) would have fire him!

Amit: Sir.... why? (and then broke into his script) I want to inform you that you are our preferred customer, and we would like to offer you...

Me: Amit, how old are you?

Amit: 25 yrs, sir!... As I was telling you, you are one of our preferred...

Me: Amit, are you married?

Amit: er, no, sir!...but I wanted to inform you that you...

Me: That's great, Amit - I guess, you must be getting a decent salary for making these calls?

...and who can say that s/he is getting peanuts for spamming other people's phones, when his company is listening to him/her...

Amit: yes sir, my company looks after me quite well [I admired him to be able to say something besides parroting from his screen] but as I was telling you...

Me: Oh, that's great!... Amit, why don't you get married? You are such a nice polite young man, and have bright future ahead of you. I have a nice girl I know, who would be just right you

Amit: ...[silence]

Me: Amit, I too have an offer! - I can get you married!... Please do send me your bio/cv

Amit: [l....o...n...g silence] Yes sir, Can I call you later sometime. We are happy to inform you...

Me: Sure, Amit - it was nice talking to you..

Disclaimer: the above conversation is imaginary - us, b-school profs are a serious lot, and we don't play such pranks on those who are toiling hard to increase India's GDP from the "service sector"

Dis-Disclaimer: it was one great fun of 5-min entertainment today - made my day!! :0)


Maya said...

lol ... thanks ! it made my day too :)
i think now i too shall devise many such strategies to keep me entertained :)


Nabomita said...

How sweet of you Sir. Only you can introspect on the telecalling vertical like this. I just shared about your post on XLRI at CiteHR . Its a community of more than a million HR members world wide.

Thank you,

madhukar said...

Thanks Nabomita!
actually it was less of an "introspection" and more a saddistic pleasure :)... though poor guy!